Brotherhood, sisterhood, genuine battle partners

It seems to me that any men/women who think they do not need authentic friendships in which they laugh together, cry together- more importantly pray together and talk Biblically about where they need to take action.... probably haven't read God's Word closely enough (see 1 Samuel 20:35–42, 23:15–18; 2 Samuel 1:25–26, Prov. 18:24... while you're at it read the story in 2 Samuel 12 and Nathan's choice). I hadn't.

I myself have been guilty of choosing friends/influences out of common interests and feelings of self worth. It's only the last couple of years after a close friend shared his secretive shortcomings that I realized there is something more to life by way of intentional, regular contact with people who bring out the best in us. God showed me 2 things at that point:

1) There was great purpose in me being an encourager, someone who could kneel down and help a brother back up- and there is much required in committed friendship in this regard.
2) I had great guilt and failure in my own life that I did not want to acknowledge; let alone invite people in to make me better for God's sake.

The steps that followed were some of the best decisions in my life, I believe.
There's no going back for me. Ask me about it if you're interested.

It is all God's time

So I've come to some conclusions about people, which are a gift from God- no less. Living life out of divine calling, nature oposing self-sacrifice, and ultimately out of being shaken at the core by God's sovereignty is so foreign to those we make eye contact with daily. My immediate conclusion after that is I am one of them..... who miss this bottom line in the 60-80 years on earth (I have a couple of decades left maybe). It is so easy to live on AUTO-PILOT, out of seeming necessity, live is such a way that self-comfort is the primary pursuit. It is so natural to live without self-inventory, without goal making, and without goal evaluating. It is one thing to understand that this life is not about me, it is another to wake up with an action plan on what God wants from me specifically. What I realize is that I need to be selective on who I spend time with, as far as who influences this from me, and I also need to be less protective of the time that I tend to think is my own. Otherwise pleasure seeking and sin defauting will be where I find myself time after time. You are reading this because I want your help and I want to help you. God help us all.

Where Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

Answer: Earth (especially California). Don't get me wrong, I enjoy where I live and the opportunity to be a part of society. But this is the reality for those that posture grace, generosity, and self-sacrifice as strength. It is for the sake of Him that we go against the American popular image of manliness. I am often reminded of the example in the image of washing feet (We serve Jesus, when we serve the un-deserving or anyone in our path, really). The truth in our everyday existance is that we glorify competitiveness in our culture- not that all competition is all bad; I, myself enjoy friendly competition as I feel it brings out the work ethic in me that sometimes gets hidden in selfish complacency. When competitiveness crosses over into the brutally viscious attutude or is conveyed as macho, harsh egocentrism, it holds a different message. I have asked myself the question of the legacy I want to leave here and often thought about how fruitless it can be to put all of my energy into comparing and elbowing out of the way those who strive toward my same endeavor. I have those in my life who are tender with me and encourage me in everything while walking along side me. I also have friends, family members, neighbors who look at relationship with me as mostly a competition. Let us not forget that our mission is to spread the love of Jesus so that others may know of life in relationship with Him. FYI, nice guys finish first in heaven.

Ever Been In A Fight?

I remember how much I enjoyed the movie Green Street Hooligans and similar movies like Fight Club and could not totally put my finger on what was appealing about them. As many exhibit the example of what it is to face the pounding music, I realize getting beat up in life certainly builds character and has the potential to strengthen everything on the body. I haven't been in a fist fight since I was 15, but I almost hope that at some point I'm put to the test of having to defend myself or someone I love...to face my fear....become tougher. I'm sure that the individual who battles life threatening disease or experiences injustice in marriage or is humiliated, degraded as an employee is certainly "beat up". I'd like to think they would also say symbolically it made their muscles tense in a good way and their head up with awareness and readiness for the uncertain vulnerability in future that every person on earth holds (whether they acknowledge it or not). I've been hit in the nose with a basketball and in the eye with a hardball and it didn't feel like it built anything at the time. I broke my arm in two places in Jr. High and remember it dangling by the skin- the doctor told me the bone grows back even stronger. The mature man must embrace where one can become solid and intimidatingly fierce. Watch these movies and you'll know what I mean. I think they should be viewed monthly for that reason. I believe it is o.k. to evaluate life for failures and certain disappointments (not shying from death, taxes, pain)...at least include that as part of the picture. As one bleeds, takes a blow to the chin, smiles back, swings in full force, one become more alive, it seems to me. Like a controlled savage who sees the benefit in hurting, we become complete by throwing caution away with the absolute need to grow. I fear experiencing things in life and I so look forward to them at the same time. I hope to embrace my fear and love it.

Loving To Watch Things Grow

So I've realized the best motivation for doing things that I know need to get done is driven by the thought that the best will blossom as a result. The older I get the more I love change in the sense of seeing things suffer for the sake of improving and refining, becoming something to admire. That goes for people in my life too. But the first intention has to be my own growth (in the Lord), sometimes seeming like self-sacrifice with an unknown outcome. Confident in God's direction and control over the consequence of my sacrifice, I can know the decision and intentional effort is worthwhile. It is actually a nurturing as I draw near to Him. It is freeing to think of the greater good being valued for a sacrifice, but the greatest good is Christ being glorified and honored with all to see and know. At some point in my life, probably towards the end, I hope to garden and learn botany and how to classify different species. For now, I will work on growing, being uncomfortable for His sake, and watch my turtles.

Acts of Kindness

One of the aspects of life that escapes me often times is the selflessness that God calls us to in random happenstance situations where I have the opportunity to forget my agenda and care about somebody. Not just wanting to "show" I care or "get credit" for caring, but simply investing in someone out of love for our Heavenly Father. Jesus, Himself did this constantly when He walked amongst outcasts, betrayers, accusers, antagonists, and persecuters. We ALL have encountered these categories of people in our life and truly bless from defying norms with kind words and kind gestures. Any time I hear a story about a rough exchange between 2 people, I think about the effects of a kind response. It is so unexpected or undervalued at many moments. Also, it is so easy to want to tell someone when I do something kind. That defeats the purpose and only feeds the prideful instinct in me. I know that God is truly honored and reflected when we are able to anonymously shed love on someone in need....which is all of us.

Revolutionary thoughts for the church

I am going to take the risk of offending some and mention the dire need to address those topics that most Christians won't touch with a ten foot pole. Especially in our generation when you mention things like clubbing (getting smashed), internet pornography, backstabbing discussion many of us tense up with avoidable guilt. Most of these issues are in the areas of body abuse- and stem from emotional escape, gossip, lust, or sexual immorality; all of which most of us have fallen in (and felt alone with secretive guilt), so I intend to not be coming across as self-righteous. I want to claim as bold men in the New Testament did the pursuit for discipline in these areas. The real solutions to these socially acceptable (and in most cases secretive) failures is consistent accountability (team effort) and a vow to stand firm in truth with the way we interact with those closest to us. Openness and honesty is the only way to understanding and fighting this battle. Now I'll mention more controversial words Christians aren't comfortable with: masturbation, premarital sex, pornography. Another set of topics for another time are: the danger of fun-crude jokes and the damage done by slander. At this point I realize my need to stand with our community to recognize the danger in ignoring the power in these things. Our culture begs for us to gloss over these daggers in the Christian walk. And yet we claim to be the church (a safe place) and the time is now to speak up on these things. Check out these websites and let's talk in person about some contexts of these topics further:

http://www.awomanshealingjourney.com/sharingourstories/everyman.html

http://www.carm.org/questions/masterbation.htm

http://www.focusonyourchild.com/develop/art1/A0000553.html